The Benevolent Universe

The more I think about it, the more I believe how interconnected we are—whether it’s people we meet, life situations, our travels, etc. Buddhists have believed this all the time and now physicists can confirm that it’s true. I won’t go into the deeper aspects of this, but I don’t think there’s such a thing as coincidence…things have already been planned for each and every one of us by a supreme Being (you can call it God, Jesus, Buddha, whatever…it doesn’t matter) Sometimes I just like to call it the Universe.

Step back in time to December 2010 when I was really in a depression pit. And God sent along these two kind souls who were visiting Penang all the way from Tucson, Arizona. Yes, I’m referring to Marg and Steve Swink (see picture below). They were featured in a blog post here.

A very valuable lesson that I learnt from Marg is that while it is true that good friendships take time to grow, sometimes someone comes along who just makes you feel good in the blink of an eye. Marg is that kind of person and I’m so glad that we’ve kept in touch all this while. And today this fantastic package arrived in the mail. I was so happy, I almost cried!

E & O 188

E & O 189

My eyes did a double take when I saw the airmail postage—a whopping $36.25USD (RM116)! I opened up the envelope and there was this beautiful gift and birthday card inside.

E & O 191

I opened the gift wrapping carefully (I’m not one of those who tear the wrapping apart like a rabid dog…how uncivilized) and inside were four beautiful calendars. Thank you so much, Marg! I love you. Now I’m going to cry…waaaaaaaah! Although we’re 9000 miles apart, I still feel your presence and your laughter here…take care now.

E & O 194

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Thank you, God!

Yesterday saw me completely overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness. I tried hard to shake it off, I really did. But no, it was a downer. However, I had to work at the hotel, so off I went, and started tinkling on the piano as usual. I played quite a few Christmas tunes, the ones I like best are the more somber ones like Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas and I’ll Be Home for Christmas. Halfway through my set, a Caucasian couple walked past and the wife paused by my side and said something along these lines: “I wish you didn’t play so much Christmas music, I’m a long way from home and I’m feeling homesick.”

I replied, “Are your from the States?” She said yes, she and her husband live in Arizona. I was starting to perk up, so I said “You’re not from Tucson, are you?” And my goodness, she said “YES!” I stopped playing in mid-song and jumped up. We talked for about 15 minutes and it was like the good Lord had sent this couple to cheer me up. Thank you, Marg and Steve, for being so kind and warm to me. We talked about my college days in Tucson, and it was like revisiting with old friends. We laughed, and we hugged…awww! I haven’t had any hugs lately and it was so good to receive one!

Unfortunately Marg and Steve will be flying to Singapore tomorrow and they’re doing some touring in Asia before they head home to Tucson next month. I’ll be keeping in touch, Marg. That’s a promise. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to both of you. God bless!

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Years in America: Absolution (episode 11)

Maybe I screwed up. Maybe I should have stayed back for graduate studies. We make decisions in life which obviously can’t be reversed on a whim. When I left the University of Arizona after graduation I was only 24. Now I’m twice that age and am strongly thinking of returning to the States. Crazy isn’t it. I’m not definite about graduate school (the tuition fees now would probably kill me) but other factors are making me want to leave Malaysia, at least for a while.

I guess I could take a mini Sabbatical—haven’t had a proper holiday for years. Sometimes I am so tired of life here in Malaysia, I really am. Things are cheap, I’ll grant you that—but certain mannerisms about Malaysia and Malaysians never seem to change. I’m not going there because this is a touchy subject, ‘nuff said.

I know it’s senseless, or futile, but I keep asking myself the “What if” question. What if I had stayed back to do graduate studies? What if I had decided to remain permanently there in the States? Damn, my life might have been entirely different from now. Can’t quite forgive myself but what’s done is done. Can’t go back to the past but I can still look forward to the future with hope and determination.

Perhaps it’s not too late. I can’t turn back the clock—but at least I can revisit.

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Years in America: The Paradox of Time (episode 10)

Now this is going to sound weird, and maybe I’ve been watching too many Twilight Zone reruns, but I will try to explain.

It was May 1984. I’d completed all the course requirements for my Bachelor of Music degree, and thousands of happy Undergraduates and Graduates like me were just waiting for Commencement (the Graduation ceremony held at McKale Center) This was a major milestone in my life, because it meant that I was now a formal Bachelor of Music, and that I would be returning home to Malaysia to carve out a living of my own. I was very fortunate that my parents took the trouble and expense (very last-minute, I might add) and decided to come out all the way to Tucson to attend my Commencement. I had told them that it wasn’t necessary as they had recently attended my brother’s graduation in London, England. I was worried that they were spending too much money. At that time in my life, I was looking forward to returning home (no more studying—yay)

Fast forward to the present—2009, and cue the Twilight Zone music, please. 25 years have passed—where did all those years go? And this is the strangest part. I woke up one morning, depressed, and it hit me like a ton of bricks—what if my destination wasn’t really my home? What if the place I left was actually where I should call my home?

The more I thought about it, the stronger this feeling grew. It was as if I shouldn’t have come back here, I should have stayed on in Tucson. Of course events would have changed dramatically if I had done that. And yet, something seemed to be telling me that I should have stayed in the USA.

It’s a little funny ending my Years in America episodes in this manner, but I have made up my mind about one thing: I will return to the United States as soon as I can.

God bless all of you.

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Years in America: Vacation Time (episode 8)

Editor’s Note: I’ve become extremely exasperated with myself because try as I might, I can’t seem to find the remainder of my photographs taken during my American vacations. I did succeed in finding two, so I’m including them in this post.

I’ve developed a love-hate affair with airports, over the course of my years abroad. On the one hand, they are the saddest places on Earth when you have to say goodbye to loved ones. On the other hand, they can be the happiest places when you see someone you love waving at you in the Arrivals area. I’ve been in a lot of airports—Singapore’s Changi, Rome’s Leonardo da Vinci, Athens’ Hellinikon, Paris’ Charles de Gaulle, Amsterdam’s Schiphol, London’s Heathrow, Tokyo’s Narita, Chicago O’Hare, Los Angeles, and of course, San Francisco. This last one was pure déjà vu for me, because the following year (December 1983) I arrived in this city again.

This time I was the guest of Karl and Anita, two German friends who had known my parents for a few years. When my parents told them that I was in Arizona over the Christmas period, they said that it would be cruel for someone to spend Christmas all alone, so I was invited to their home in Fremont, California, which again wasn’t far from the Bay Area. I remembered that Karl worked with Intel at the San Jose headquarters, and he showed up at the airport with his white Mercedes Benz! Karl undoubtedly, was a German through and through. They had a very nice house in Fremont, and I was shown to a guest room with all things, an electronic organ (see the picture below) Moreover, I spotted a typewriter (remember what that is?) on a desk. “Type a letter to your parents when you feel like it,” Karl said, jokingly.

Of course I played the organ too, and Karl and Anita were smiling, having some music flow through their house (both of them don’t play the organ, don’t ask me why) I did enjoy my vacation with them, as they did take me to various places in the Bay Area. I remember Carmel very vividly, because they had a famous mayor—Clint Eastwood. And secondly, the Pacific scenery especially at this time of the year, was breathtaking. I also managed to call up the Dyers and exchanged greetings with them.

However, this time I was hungry for more. Before I left Tucson, I had thoughts of visiting (wait for it) Hawaii! So this time I would be spending Christmas in San Francisco and the New Year in Honolulu. And guess what? My parents to the rescue again (hurray for parents!) They had a Malaysian friend called Bennett who had his own business in Honolulu. Again, Bennett was very kind and said yes, he would love to have me over. So just after Christmas, I said my goodbyes (here’s that airport love-hate thingy again) to Karl and Anita, and boarded my flight to Honolulu.

The instant I landed in Honolulu, I knew I was going to like this place. The weather was a balmy 75°F with moderate winds—just perfect! Bennett was at the arrivals area to pick me up. I was garlanded on arrival and it felt nice. We were shortly cruising down the Nimitz Highway to the city and Bennett’s apartment. In contrast to Karl’s place in Fremont, Bennett’s apartment was quite spartan, but comfortable. He’d stocked up his fridge with a ton of frozen TV dinners!

Of course Bennett took me around to see the sights, like Diamond Head, Waikiki Beach (very popular spot, always crowded), we even saw the Governor’s residence (which doubled as Police headquarters in the TV series Hawaii Five-O) We went swimming in Hanauma Bay, where the water was so clear and blue, and fish were swimming in and around us! We also went to the northern part of Oahu to see the Banzai Pipeline. I had never seen such huge waves in my life, ever! And no, I didn’t try surfing.

Anyway, the fun part was when Bennett had to go to the Big Island on business. He was so kind to give me free rein of his apartment and his trusty Toyota. All I had to do was grab a map of Honolulu (no GPS yet), put some gas in the tank, and off I went! Ah, that was the life! I was out exploring the city, the malls, etc. and loving it, although I was alone. When Bennett returned, we spent New Year’s Eve at a hotel, he had his own group of friends, and the atmosphere was one of fun.

However, it was now time to return to reality, and to Tucson. Again, I had to say a sad goodbye to Bennett and wonderful Hawaii. That’s why I still have a love-hate relationship with airports up till today.

That's me at the organ in Fremont. Don't ask about the doll.  At Karl's house in Fremont. Am I looking preppy or what?

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Years in America: College Life (episode 6)

I know this is wicked, but here are more of my memorable thoughts about college life:

  • 4 AM fire alarms in the dorm—trust me, this is no fun. The alarms are deafeningly loud, nobody except a zombie could sleep through this. There was an incident where a resident (probably drunk then) hit the alarm one fine morning. He was expelled soon thereafter.
  • > 100°F temperatures during the Fall semesters. It’s just so hot. Fortunately, it’s dry heat, and practically every building on campus has air-conditioning. Temperatures drop drastically during the evenings though, so that brings some respite. The trick is to keep drinking fluids (no, not alcohol) otherwise I’d probably get dehydrated fast and pass out—not a pretty sight.
  • Accompanying music students was fun, because I got to know about the various instruments first-hand from them. I’ve accompanied violinists, flautists, brass players, etc. And vocal majors are fun too, because half the time they seemed to be more nervous than I. The wonderful thing was that these students were serious in what they were doing—we’d be discussing tempi, sorting out difficult passages, and more often than not I had to make them feel at ease. No, I wasn’t a fierce dragon, it was just their nerves, honest. Modesty aside, when end-of-semester juries approached, my phone would be ringing off the hook—sometimes I would try not to enter the Music building, because I had frantic voice and instrumental majors searching in vain for an accompanist. Are we having fun yet?
  • Going to my first American Football game was an incredible experience—the UA stadium is so darn big, accommodating more than 57,000 people. And the UA’s Marching Band played their hearts out during half-times, fantastic. Last but not least, eye-candy in the form of the cheerleaders.
  • Attending various music concerts on campus was great too. There were many free staff and student concerts happening all semester at Crowder Hall. I managed to catch Kenny Rogers at the McKale Center as a friend decided not to go and gave me the ticket—so why not? He was in top form, crooning in front of 15,000 fans. I saw George Benson, Chuck Mangione, and Spyro Gyra too, among others.
  • I also vividly recall all those solitary practice sessions in the Music Building basement. There was always a cacophony of sound coming from the practice rooms, and sometimes it was so difficult to concentrate on what I was playing. There were metronomes tick-tocking, it was crazy. But there was good interaction between us music students, discussing stuff, sometimes just goofing off, that sort of thing. Yeah I thought those were stressful times, but they seemed very carefree compared to the present. I want to go back!
  • Don’t tell my mom, but hee hee, I found time to watch TV and movies too. This was the era of Dallas, Dynasty, Hill Street Blues (let’s be careful out there!), Knight Rider, Magnum P.I., etc. The first Star Wars trilogy had yet to end, in fact I watched Return of the Jedi here in Tucson. And Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan had just come out. And E.T. (great flick) The list goes on and on. I usually watched TV in the lobby area, but when a friend wanted to sell his small TV for cheap, I bought it for a paltry $10. Later when I left the States for good, I sold it for $20—how’s that?
  • I can’t leave out the music that I liked at this moment in my life. For starters I was just getting into Pat Metheny (I have so many of his CDs now) the man’s a genius. Not forgetting Styx, Journey, The Alan Parsons Project (listening to it right now!) Oscar Peterson, Al Jarreau, etc. That’s the great thing about music—evoking memories of years past for me. What a cliché, but those were good times. And last but not least, classical music—I loved it, especially going to the Music Library during my free times, pulling out a record or two and then just listening. Pure bliss. Unfortunately, when I brought some records and cassettes home, they warped and gave all kinds of trouble—thank goodness for compact discs! My classical collection now is completely on CD.

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Years in America: College Life (episode 5)

You mean there’s life in college? Sure thing—I wake up in the mornings, shower, eat breakfast, go to classes, have lunch, attend more classes, run some errands or do some chores, complete my assignments, study (couldn’t leave that one out could I), have dinner, watch some TV, study a bit more, and then go to bed. That’s a typical day, and of course sometimes, it gets very humdrum, but that’s the way it is. I did allow myself some leisure time too, otherwise I’d go nuts. I remember frequenting the Gallagher Theater on campus to watch movies—it was cheap then, about $2 per movie. And it’s only $3 now!

Other times, I’d be in the games arcade, killing some aliens or joining a friend in a game of pool (I was actually getting pretty good in this). Or I’d go to the bookstore (after its refurbishment, the SU bookstore was a pretty nice place to while my time away) or the Main Library—no surfing the web in those days, so I’d read a lot, be it my own studies or other materials. I remember subscribing to TIME and Newsweek magazines—the US editions were far superior to the International edition that I get here in Malaysia.

It was also the time where I had to do some ensemble performances. I remember hooking up with a guitarist by the name of Jeff Williams for some Jazz Combo credits. It was fun, there was this one time we played at a place called the Sawmill and other friends dropped by to lend support. And the tip jar—now that was an important thing! How I wish I could have one in the hotel where I play now. Those were good days, earning some (tax free) pocket money.

The American university system also required me to take elective classes, especially during my freshman and sophomore years. So I did, with subjects like Atmospheric Sciences, Geology, Sociology, Psychology, Oriental Studies, etc. Plus I had to do two semesters of PE and I opted for Golf, of all things. Nice thing about this was the fact that I could head off from campus to the Tucson Golf Course (I hitched rides with another student who was attending the same) and I’ll never forget Coach Tatum. Oh, he was funny, and he was always picking on me. He’d say stuff like “Phil, watch the ball, not that pretty girl beside you.” Coach Tatum, if you’re reading this, kudos to you!

I also worked as a busboy (a restaurant employee who clears away dirty dishes, sets tables, and serves as an assistant to a waiter or waitress) at one of the teachers’ restaurants for a semester or two, since I learned that it was tax-free and foreign students were eligible. However, I recall that I was taking a massive 21 units of classes, but I persisted, because the minimum wage wasn’t so bad, and again, I had money in my pocket, my own hard-earned money (I think my parents were proud too). My boss at that restaurant was a middle-aged lady of German origin, Hilda. She was a kind soul, and I got along very well with her and the other student employees. There was one week when I was having a really bad cold—she told me to take a day or two off but I stubbornly refused, because that is one busy restaurant. As a busboy I worked non-stop right from the moment I clocked in until I clocked out. It was tiring at times but it was a terrific experience for me.

I now had my own circle of friends, so I wasn’t feeling too lonely. I attended quite a few study groups, usually with other music students. It was fun to study, debate, ask questions, and someone would always bring along a huge pot of coffee and cookies (yay!) At this time too, I was singing or playing for the University Community Chorus group—it was a mix of college students and people from within the Tucson community. It was great fun then, to just chill and talk to people who were so friendly. This is a far cry from what you see on TV or the movies. Interacting with real people from the community, I liked that.

The Spring semester was coming to an end. My parents decided that it was better for me to take a break and return home for the Summer, rather than paying for accommodation, meals, etc. in Tucson (which would actually cost more than my return airfare) It was nice to be able to return home to Malaysia and relax for a while. Before I left, I asked Joan at the International Student Office whether she’d kindly mail my Spring semester grade report to me and of course she said yes. So one fine summer’s day, I receive this note from her in the mail, together with my Spring ‘81 grade report:

A note from Joan

It turns out that I scored A’s in all my classes with the exception of one, where I obtained a B. Nevertheless, my GPA of 3.8 meant that my Scholarship would continue for the following academic year—yay!!

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