Oops, let me rephrase that. I hate toilets—when they’re not working properly. And the two toilets in my apartment have been driving me up the wall lately. Caution: some slightly disgusting words up ahead.
There must be a whole list of Murphy’s Laws regarding toilets. Recently I’ve had to wrestle with these problems (yuck):
- I flush the toilet, but the poop and water comes rushing up again
- after a flush, the water fills up and keeps overflowing
- after a flush, the water appears to fill up, but never does
- the toilet flush handle breaks
- the inner inlet pipe or whatever springs a leak, ensuring a steady flow of water that keeps overflowing
- and to add insult to injury, the bathroom ceiling starts to leak…ugh
Yes, I know what you’re thinking…DIY right? I have Googled for toilet repairs, I have fumbled, adjusted, twisted–all the parts inside the toilet tank (reminds me of the parts inside a computer casing, the big difference is that I get to play with water too…I am sick) all the while uttering silent curses at the toilet makers—jeez, can’t they just digitalize this whole #$@! process? If the Japanese can come up with a toilet that can wash, shampoo, and blow-dry your tush, why can’t they invent a toilet with less moving and prone-to-breaking parts?
There must be a Murphy’s Law that states: “The more time you spend fumbling and trying to fix the toilet yourself, the more it’s going to cost you when you eventually come to your senses and decide to call a plumber.” And if I possessed a sledgehammer, I’d probably give in and cause wanton destruction to the blooming thing.
On the other hand…if I don’t get those toilets working properly, what happens when I want to answer nature’s call next time? Or worse, a poo call? Rats, there’s nothing I can do except call the plumber, let him work his magic, and also work the magic out of my wallet.
I’ll end this ranting post with a “short potty poem that purges the soul.” Courtesy of Mick, thank you, sir.
Ode to a Toilet
The love of my life, is not my dear wife,
But a toilet with flush, and extra thick pipes.
To take all my crap, without a mouth flap,
And when it acts up, I can shut off its tap.This original potty poem was written
and copyrighted© by Mick™
Non-Commercial use for this poetry
is allowed on washroom stalls
or with a link to this site only.
