Maybe I screwed up. Maybe I should have stayed back for graduate studies. We make decisions in life which obviously can’t be reversed on a whim. When I left the University of Arizona after graduation I was only 24. Now I’m twice that age and am strongly thinking of returning to the States. Crazy isn’t it. I’m not definite about graduate school (the tuition fees now would probably kill me) but other factors are making me want to leave Malaysia, at least for a while.
I guess I could take a mini Sabbatical—haven’t had a proper holiday for years. Sometimes I am so tired of life here in Malaysia, I really am. Things are cheap, I’ll grant you that—but certain mannerisms about Malaysia and Malaysians never seem to change. I’m not going there because this is a touchy subject, ‘nuff said.
I know it’s senseless, or futile, but I keep asking myself the “What if” question. What if I had stayed back to do graduate studies? What if I had decided to remain permanently there in the States? Damn, my life might have been entirely different from now. Can’t quite forgive myself but what’s done is done. Can’t go back to the past but I can still look forward to the future with hope and determination.
Perhaps it’s not too late. I can’t turn back the clock—but at least I can revisit.
Tags: America, Tucson, University of Arizona
Yes, perhaps it’s not too late. But what is this “at least for awhile” business? Waaaaaaaaah! xoxo
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You know what it means, dear. One step at a time. Keep praying and hoping!
Yes, things might have been different – they might have been very different from what you think they might have been. If you changed even one thing you wouldn’t be the person you are now. So while we can look back with much more clarity than we had at the time, there is something to be said for the experiences you’ve had along the way because it makes you “you”.
Dear Philip….you are ok, you haven’t messed up. It’s just life’s journey….we each have our own. Don’t think of the “what ifs” and the “maybes”. If anything I would encourage you to let go of them and look to the future by focusing on the present, as you have been doing, and everything will pan out well….you’ll be surprised when it happens and how happy you will be.