I’m pleased to present my third guest post of the year. This time the writer is a mom of one of my students. Her name is Sue, and this is what she wrote. Thanks for consenting to write in my blog, Sue.

Exact experience…exact emotions

This morning, just as I woke up, I remembered something that I have thought about for years. I remembered being so ‘determined and daring’ to accept a ‘bizarre’ scholarship from a total ‘stranger’ to further my college education in the US. I was doubtful that the scholarship could be deceiving. It was out of the ordinary for someone to sponsor someone else with no obligations whatsoever. I questioned myself repeatedly, “Can this person be trusted?” I was only eighteen, but my gut-instinct told me, “It’s a golden opportunity and it’s now or never for me if I want to change my life and head off into a new direction.”

As I remembered this particular event, I experienced some of the feelings that I had twenty years ago when I broke the news to my parents who were unaware of their teenage daughter’s ‘secret ambition’ to be an interpreter! I didn’t want to be a teacher like my parents. Don’t get me wrong, my parents were very dedicated teachers and teaching has always been a respectable career, but my parents always had a hard time making ends meet with their meager teacher’s salary. Not to mention the burden of supporting five children through university (at the same time!).

Having grown up in a small town in Thailand somehow limited my opportunity to learn English. That’s right—there was no internet in those days and my English teacher’s English was, to put it mildly, terrible.  My dad bought a series of Self-Learning English books which came with cassette tapes for us, but none of my siblings were interested those days. Learning like that was darn tedious!

When I tried to tell my parents about that ‘bizarre’ scholarship, I felt a mixture of different emotions, both positive and negative. It was awfully scary just to think about the unforeseen consequences. However, I was overly confident with my instinct that everything would be fine. I felt so motivated and hopeful that my life would change for the better. The excitement, the challenge and the uncertainty from this unusual encounter were too much for me to swallow in silence.

Literally, I didn’t tell anyone at all. Not even my best friend. I had to make sure everything went my way before breaking the news to my family and friends. I gathered the courage to tell my parents that I needed their legal consent to apply for the student visa. Eagerly, I just couldn’t wait to tell them I had my ‘dreams’ all planned out.

I was raised by my grandparents when I was little and I spent my entire tender teenage years without parental supervision in the boarding school since I was thirteen. Obviously, the situation trained me to be independent at an early age. My parents were both primary school teachers. They realized the importance of early education at a well established school in my hometown so that my siblings and I could have a better future. If we were to follow them to a small village where they taught, our learning opportunity would definitely be limited. They did everything in their power to keep us in school—all the way from kindergarten to university (they even had to sell our favorite house or pawn mom’s jewels). I always wanted to cry whenever I recalled this particular page of my life. Sigh.

All those times, I visited my parents only once a month for the monthly allowance, but I didn’t tell them anything about that scholarship I had just accepted. I was afraid my mom’s pessimism would influence my decision making process.  Until my sponsor reminded me, “I need your parents’ approval for your student visa application….” It was then I had to come clean and tell my anxious mom and dad all about the new adventure I was about to experience in Lincoln, Nebraska, USA.

I showed them the information I had gathered about my sponsor’s background, the school he had registered for me and the list of international students he had sponsored before me. My parents were impressed by my presentation. My ‘persuasive speech’ had indeed paid off, but they were still cross with me for making that gigantic decision without consulting them. Perhaps, I took my parents’ trust and the total ‘freedom’ they gave me for granted. Then again, I promised them I would be good and responsible as I had always been.

Looking back, I was glad I trusted my gut-instinct. After all, ‘trust’ can make a huge different in our relationship with others. Somehow, there’s a sense of ‘accomplishment’ in trusting someone (and it feels good to be trusted). I wouldn’t have had achieved this far if it wasn’t for the trust from my parents who believed so much in me.

Whenever I looked into my memory bank, I wondered, "What brought me to this exact point in time?"  Then, I realized that life is about taking risks. It’s a series of beginnings. It gives in the right thing at the right time. All it takes is the ‘courage’ to do it.

Speaking of the offer, the golden opportunity, the risk, the courage and the mixed emotions, accepting Philip’s kind offer to guest-write in his blog was like déjà vu which I remembered feeling twenty years ago. It’s not like Philip is giving me a scholarship, but I felt that he gave me the exact kind offer/new challenge my late sponsor (host father) once did. I know it’s up to me how I want it to be. I can just say, “No, thanks” and carry on my same-old routines as a stay-at-home mom, but deeply I would love to take on the challenge though.

Once again, it’s a now-or-never-for-me sort of feeling because I do have a secret ambition at forty too. This time, I want to be a writer!

I have never been trained to be a writer, but I love writing. It’s simply therapeutic. My writing is more about my relationship with the people in my life. It surprised me when I came to realize just how much these people profoundly influenced my decision making process (as life goes on). I studied broadcasting and worked ‘briefly’ in this field. Writing scripts for TV and radio shows was totally different from what I am about to experience here at Philip’s blog. He advised me to write about anything from my heart which I think is a good start. Besides, it’s been twenty years since I last wrote something public. Most of my writings have always been private. I share them with my family and friends occasionally.

Now, it’s a huge challenge for me to transform my private writing into public form since Philip’s Blog is VERY popular (awww thanks…Editor)

As I think about it, I believe I can do it. Twenty years ago, I didn’t speak a word of English, but I worked hard at it. I was so ‘driven’ to learn it for some reason. Twenty years later, I can now speak, read and write fairly well. I may sound a little bit boastful here. But hey, I guess I deserve the sense of pride, somehow.

Well, for everything I do in life I believe ‘persistence’ is the key to achieving my goals. Sometimes, I think I am one of those women who think life ends at 30 or after having kids. But you know what? I think we should live life to the fullest, no matter what our age. As for me, I have to make sure there’s meaning to my life and I will never let fear get in my way.

When my gut feeling told me that Philip’s generous offer could be my first baby step into the world of ‘sensible blogging’ (a lot of nonsensical childish blogs exist out there), I took a leap right away—never mind that I’m forty or extremely busy with school-going children or having truck loads of housework to deal with on a daily basis. When I want to accomplish something, I know my mind will find a way to get it done. Of course, I do get lazy and discouraged every now and then. Life is like that, I suppose.

My apologies if this post is too long. Please let me know what else you would like to hear from me. Until then, best wishes to you all.

Sue.

You can read more about Sue and her life adventures in her own personal blog here.

Related posts

• No related posts.